Vampires: Fact or Fiction?

This is another repost from an old blog of mine that is no longer public:

Why am I, as a grown woman, bringing this subject to light? As an adult, I have had my feet planted solidly in the real world for a long time. Then I became a mother and my daughter grew into a teenager who reads...a lot. Lately, it's been quite a few vampire-themed books. Naturally, we added watching The Vampire Diaries on Netflix and after reading the Twilight book series, we now have the movies. We've watched Buffy The Vampire Slayer, too, and its spin-off, Angel. I just finished reading, "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Slayer", and Rachel is reading it now. All this resulted in being surrounded by lots of neck biting and bloodsucking as a lifestyle. 

Along the way, I think I began to understand some things. First, there are a variety of vampire types. Let's start with the simple things. 

Some vampires can survive in sunlight with no adverse effect. In some cases, this requires an enchanted ring provided by a witch. Sometimes it's just a case of "adjusting" to the light as they age in an undead manner or simply the use of sunscreen. For some, their particular species of vampire simply doesn't even know there are vampires that can't endure sunlight. And finally, sometimes they stand out in the crowd because the sunlight makes them.....sparkle. Yes, it actually makes me cringe a little to say it. 

"Hi, I'm a deadly vampire and I sparkle!" he says while doing some Broadway dance steps and using his jazz hands. 

In almost every instance, there is a human love interest, so apparently not only do they want to suck our blood, but they also want to date us. One or the other, fellas, cause you can't have both. 

There also seem to be good vampires and bad vampires. The good ones try to get jobs at the local blood bank or take out the area's deer and bunny population because they can't bear to be consumed by the guilt of killing everyone they date. I have a suggestion for them which would take some time to run the supply out - at least in our neighborhood. How about squirrels - especially the little varmints that eat our Halloween pumpkins every dang year! 

The bad vampires, on the other hand, have no problem taking out everyone they encounter and taking slow, repeated pints from their human partners. But for some, deep down they are torn by their own viciousness; just not enough to stop. It seems they are like addicts who just can't give up "the good stuff". I'm pretty sure if my daughter suddenly started wearing scarves around her neck every day, even in the summer, I'd be checking for hickeys, at the very least. 

How about the eye color? Some have red irises. This is both to indicate they are creepy human bloodsuckers and possibly so they can pass as albinos in the human world. I'm thinking I'll go with creepy human bloodsuckers. 

Some have amber eyes and this eye color must repeatedly be mentioned if you write about sparkling vampires. It's some sort of rule or something. 

"Brad, you have the most gorgeous amber eyes," she gushes. "The amber is so captivating but when they change from amber to black, it sort of creeps me out," she says with a shy smile on her face, demurely looking at the floor which also happens to be sort of an amber color. 

Some have eyes that are totally black, with no distinction between iris and pupil or the entire visible eye is black. Some of the red and amber vamps sometimes have black eyes, too - possibly because they are hungry. Or it could be that a movie director thinks contacts that cover your entire visible eye in black is a cool looking effect. Whatever the case, you would think this would alert the humans who start dating them and that they'd count themselves lucky after surviving the first date. Alas, humans are not all that aware, apparently. 

I think the most obvious hint you can get that you might be dating a vampire is when you ask his age and in giving you a triple-digit number, he doesn't smile to indicate it's a joke. 

"So, how old are you, anyway?" the seventeen-year-old boy asked. 

"One hundred and fifty," she answered and flipped her long, thick hair behind her shoulder. He looked at her for a moment, awaiting the cue that would tell him she was teasing. 

When nothing happened, he responded, "Oh," and thought to himself, "Cougar." 

Have I answered the question posed in my post title? I don't know, but the guy at my door just said he can't come in unless I invite him. **Cue spooky music**